The Power to Act

I’m in such a lovely place today. Life is peachy; I’m centered, grounded, focused and extremely happy.  My heart is filled with joy.  I know deep within the recesses of my being that all is well in my world. During balanced times I’m grounded in the richness of the moment and at the same time, moving forward in the world with equanimity. There is no push or pull; I’m in the middle of a calm but moving river, finding comfort in the buoyancy of my body and the inner tube that supports me as I move down the river of life. It’s a terrific way to start the week, and it’s a raging river’s expanse from where I was last Friday.

Friday’s are usually a privately productive day. I don’t see clients. I use my time to start a new blog post and to wrap-up unfinished projects, so that I can go into the weekend organized and refreshed. I was half way through the day before I realized that  I just couldn’t get engaged in anything productive.  What was going on?

It took less than 30 minutes of journaling to realize that my circuits (physical, emotional and spiritual) were in overload. The Pink Energizer Bunny that I am had exhausted the juice in my Duracell batteries. There are things that I need to do to keep my batteries, and my circuits, healthy and strong; things that I hadn’t been doing. Like anything in life, I get out of it what I put into it. And I hadn’t been putting into my life the things that bring me energy, keep me nourished, centered, grounded, and happy. I was out of balance and so, out of sorts.

Since I’ve always had only 24 hours in each day, where have I been spending my time? Am I putting too much time at the computer, sacrificing other more life giving pursuits? Writing and publishing my blog weekly is both my passion and my problem. When I write, edit an article, or look for the perfect pictures, I can sit at my computer for hours upon end and never think to come up for air. That focused energy is not sustainable; overtime it drains me. It feels appropriate at the time, but the fiddler always demands his due; and I’ve forgotten that.

What does it mean to live a balanced life? It is one of those illusive things that seem to change with time. As a child, all I needed was positive attention and a smile from my parents, scheduled food and sleep, and a few close friends with whom to play. In my 20’s, I was okay with an occasional enjoyable night sleep, two meals a day eaten on the run, and an enjoyable social life including libation, music to dance to, and the laughter of friends. In my 30’s and 40’s to feel balanced, I needed a partner, a decent social life, a few quiet nights alone, and an active gym membership. What I need today is much more complicated. I need the staples of sound sleep and wholesome food, and a lot of quiet time to meditate, journal, read, and create. I still need exercise, but with emphasis on stretching and strengthening and an increased allocation of time spent in nature. I need family and friends in moderation and time away from technology, including television.

It’s not as if I’m totally living my life out of whack; I’m not. While I may be doing 75% of the things I need to balance the scales of my life, the other 25% that I’ve lost sight of, have been draining my batteries. On most nights I benefit from a decent night sleep, eat healthy, meditate, have a rigorous exercise program with Tae Kwon Do and stretching, and I meet my relational needs. Those five things alone, while foundational, do not keep me healthy and effective in the world. I need to add to the mix two additional things that sustain me; nature and journaling. When any of my vital needs are accidentally cut out of the mix, I suffer. Unfortunately it is not something that happens quickly, but accumulates over time like leaving my interior lights on overnight in my car; I wake up to find my car battery dead. How do I know when my batteries are drained of juice or misfiring?  I become physically sick; a cold, a runny nose, fatigued. Or, as in my present situation, I felt a physical disconnect between my spirit and my life; like two hands that can’t connect, the circuit never closes.

With the heat and humidity of Houston’s summer, the only time to be out and about in nature is in the wee early hours of the morning. Now I used to be an early riser, but when sleep eludes me, there is no way I’m able to get up at 6 or 7 to commune with nature. That will need to change; I must make time in the schedule to be in nature.  Without it I starve myself from the nourishment that nature provides. Thirty minutes, twice a week cutting my roses and watering my plants or a walk around my neighborhood, brings richness and nourishment to my parched spirit.

The other thing that I’m starving for is my journaling. There is nothing as delicious as sitting quietly with pen and paper in hand, dialoguing with Creator God, or using journaling to make sense of the chaotic thoughts that reverberate through the cavern that is my mind. What keeps me from this source of nourishment is when I use my time unwisely; time pushing ahead, rather than relaxing in nature or journaling. These pursuits ensure that time I do spend is both productive and pleasurable. Why is that?

When I spend too much precious time on things that may amuse, but not nourish, like sitting in front of the television, or browsing the Internet for the perfect picture to accompany my next blog, then I’ve invested my time unwisely. When I overdo in one area, even if it feels right at the moment, some other essential needs get denied.  I pay a price by either becoming ill, or moving through the day disjointed and disconnected.

What I’ve realized is that I have a need for order, and nature and journaling are how I order my thoughts and nurture my spirit. I’ve circled back to my needs as a child who benefited from a structured life; a time for bathing, food, and sleep. I remember my mother’s wise words: “What a baby needs is to live an ordered life; for them to be able to count on the constancy of their schedule and our interaction. Interrupting the schedule creates uncertainty and adds turmoil to the child’s existence.” This is true for me today. When I forget to bring nature and journaling into my week, I end up feeling uncertain, unfocused and confused how to best move ahead; the Energizer Bunny that I am, stalls out, sputters and then dies! When I bring order by journaling and spending time in nature, then, and only then, am I able to find a balance between the chaos of life and creating!

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