The Power to Act

It’s been a week since I read about it, but like a song that has captivated your mind, the concept of ‘bright spots’ keeps circling back into my consciousness. I’ve learned over the years that when my mind, like a dog with a bone, holds fast on an idea or a concept, there is something there for me to learn. I was turned on to the new book Switch, by Chip & Dan Heath, by my husband and two friends. With the third invitation, I knew I had to read it but I had no idea how captivating it would be for me.  Like a lone voice calling out in the wilderness of life, I’m so glad that I heard it  and responded to the call.

The book is about how to create change. It is not a Pollyanna practice of only ‘being happy’. Heavens knows that if we could just do that, we would all do it! Its for those who realize that change is inevitable, but growth is optional. According to the Heaths, you reeve-up the engine of change by identifying someone who has already successfully implemented the change you want; then identify one or two critical behaviors, or ‘bright spots,’ that made the change possible, and implement those behaviors into your life. The process has you move beyond analysis or paralysis by focusing on the behaviors responsible for the success.

The ‘bright spot’ concept was used by a school psychologist to help Bobby, a ninth grader who was referred to him for his bad behavior: he was late, rarely did his work, was disruptive and sometimes made loud threats? By exploring with Bobby where he was when he didn’t get into trouble as much, the psychologist was able to identify the one teacher whose behavior naturally encouraged Bobby. When Bobby came into that teacher’s room, she always greeted him, gave him work he could do and checked with him to make sure he understood the instructions. By having other teachers implement the behavioral “bright spots” of Bobby’s day, the number of times that he was sent to the office declined by 80%. I wonder, “If finding and implementing ‘bright spots’ worked for Bobby, could it help me reeve up my ability to live life fully with lightness and enjoyment!” Certainly it is a question worth pondering!

I’m naturally serious, and I’m seriously not happy about that! I’ve made progress over the years; I’m no longer the terminally serious person I was in my forties. But still, no one would call me light and my tendency is to falter on the side of being overly solemn and cautious. I’m like a doe in the wild with her ears fully cocked listening, tensed and ready to bolt. There is no levity in survival of the fittest! It’s served me well over the years, but my definition of success has changed. I’m concerned now with how I live my life rather than what I might have achieved along the way. Like a meadow of blue bonnets, over time the field that is my life has been overgrown with my own vigilance. It’s not like I haven’t been working on lightening up. I’ve taken improv classes and studied to be a clown; and there were moments of lightness along the way, but I can’t learn lightness by taking a class. On the journey of life, as far as lightness is concerned, I’m the tortoise, plodding along. What I do know is that more of the same will get me more of the same and I’m just not interested in the status quo. If there is a game out there that will have me laughing more, or swimming with the current rather than struggling against it, then sign me up.

When I look for people who have a natural lightness and who are predisposed to enjoy life, my mother Velma and my granddaughters Cassandra and Stella come instantly to mind. With my granddaughters it’s their natural exuberance and playfulness that attracts me. There is no concern for image or what others think. Life is a mystery that is unfolding in front of their eyes and they experience it with mirth and wonder. With them I’m relearning to find fun in the ordinary; to run in the rain and splash around in puddles, to wear wings and colorful outrageous things. When I’m with them, I naturally move into lightness.

My mother reared ten children and lived her life fully. On her 75^th birthday party she surprised us all by greeting her family and guests dressed from head to toe as Broom Hilda, the black witch of the west; with her broom stick in one hand, and a glass of white zinfandel in the other. It is how she lived every day that most inspires me. I recall my parent’s playfulness and teasing around dinnertime most nights. There would be joking and banter regarding the twenty-five cents that they bet on their nightly cribbage game. Val would playfully hit my father with a kitchen towel if he was slow to ante up; or chase him around the kitchen table until the quarter was deposited in her hand. Her sense of humor and her natural ability to see life as a glass as half full is the behaviors that was foundational to my learning to lessen the grip of the handle bars of the sturdy bike of life as I learned to ride. Because I had the blessing of experiencing the world from half full eyes,  I quickly learned to ride the bike of life with two hands resting lightly on the handle bars and with years of conscious work, sometimes able to let go with one hand  and that, my dear friends, is real progress. My goal is to live life fully; to ride with two hands up in the air, with a grin as wide as Texas, joyfully  sending flying kisses to all passerby’s.

Under the most trying situations, my mother was at her best. She never panicked or played out negative scenarios or looked for villains to blame. Instead she highlighted what was working, and stayed focused on that. A seminal crisis in our life was when my father lost his job at Westinghouse when he was 54 years old, because the plant was moving to Ohio. He had joined that corporation right out of high school and was there when they finally shut the door and turned out the lights for good. During the months of working odd jobs and having his world turned upside down; my father’s naturally cheerful mood was heavily weighted down by doubt and uncertainty. It was a traumatic time in his life, and it could have been a very difficult time for each of us as well, but it wasn’t. Up-beat as ever her response was “we don’t have debt; we own our house and car so we only need money for food right now.” There was no crying or gnashing of teeth. There was no belittling of my father or berating of his ability to provide for his family of twelve. She kept things light and focused on what was working.

My plan is to focus my energies on expanding on the areas of  lightness and increased enjoyment. I only need to identify one or two new behaviors that I can do every day to transform that scrawny, emaciated little muscle of lightness into a bulked and toned lean beach body machine. Because change only happens with daily practice, I’ll start and end each day by counting my blessings; ten items two times a day will have me seeing the world as half full.  My second behavioral change will be increase my awareness of the color yellow by seeking out the myriads of yellow that is in front of me as I drive or go for a walk. With each sighting, I’ll take a deep breath, relax back into myself, and smile. I’ll let the warmth of the color yellow warm and melt my natural clutching hands that want to hold on tightly to life.Besides, yellow is a happy color!

Since my granddaughters live in New York, and I don’t have the ­­­­­luxury of spending lots of time with them, I’ll have to find other ways to ratchet up my playful side. Fortunately I still have the two second graders that I mentor each year to help me reconnect with the exuberance of childhood, but school is out for the summer and so I need to find something now. My husband suggested that I learn to tell a joke and that is so out of my comfort zone that it feels like it would be easier to climb Mt. Everest. Experimenting with what I can do differently to learn to let go of the reins of life, after Tae Kwon Do class today, I attempted to do a cartwheel. It wasn’t pretty, but I’ve decided that I will relearn how to do that again. The first attempt was bad, but like Casey at the bat, I’ll swing at it again. The result was not funny or light, but there was a freedom I experienced that will suffice for now in doing something that I would otherwise back away from doing for fear of looking silly and there is enjoyment in that!

Shifting my attention from what could go wrong to what is right and light, changes what I see and informs and happily colors my attitude toward life. The land of my dreams is in my sight and getting there is worth any new effort I expend along the way. When I falter, and being human I will, I will laugh at my human condition, celebrate the recognition and return to my daily practice of seeing and celebrating the   color yellow and learning a cartwheel. Like a lighthouse on the rocky shores of a distant but light land, the practice of continually refocusing on the ‘bright spots;’ of seeing my glass half full and finding lightness in the here and now, will illuminate my way and  make the journey more enjoyable. Now that is a ‘bright spot’ worth lighting up about.

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