The Power to Act

As a young woman I never thought about progress or possibilities.  My dreams were small – of being a hair stylist or stewardess.  My journey has been defined by what I didn’t want rather then what I wanted.  At 18 I knew I didn’t want to be married; I didn’t want to have babies any time soon.  I lived in reaction to life.  I matured into adulthood, graduated from school, began my career and married.  I was happy.

Within the first six months of my 39^th year, my husband died of brain cancer and my father had a fatal heart attack. True to my past, I had fashioned my life in reaction to others; I was my husband’s wife and my father’s daughter. And when they were both gone, I found I didn’t know who I was.  Who was the person who embodied those roles?

So began the mid-life journey of discovering who I am and what new and wildly exciting things might be possible for the new and progressed version of myself.

I still take on the role of my husband’s wife but I am no longer just the roles I play.  I am someone who is insightful, honest, ethical and truthful.  I’m compassionate, thoughtful, a good listener. I’m very reflective and very strong of spirit.  I‘m a decent writer and when I speak, people listen.   I’m becoming aware of my strong presence and my ability to lead.   I’m aware of the prevalence of self-doubt and the fear I’ve felt over the years. Best of all, I’ve learned that I am a work in progress and, once aware of the negative self-talk, I’ve fired the internal critic that denies my worth and learned to treat myself  gently.

Like other spiritual pilgrims, I’ve been blessed with fabulous spiritual guides and teachers who have helped me make sense of many aspects of my life’s journey.  I’ve invested thousands of hours in reflection and the richness of this contemplation has positively played out in shifting my own negative patterns, like self doubt and pleasing others, to a more generative and authentic response to life in general.

Grounded in who I am, I’m exploring new possibilities.  Over the years I’ve practiced yoga, meditated and journaled; all of which advanced my personal and professional exploration.  A year ago I took on the practice of Tao Kwon Do to experience the physical power of my body.  This December, at 63, I was  the first blue belt ever chosen to present in the end of year Black Belt demonstration.

Now I am exploring the world of writing and blogging.  Where it will lead, I don’t know; but it’s exciting time full of possibilities.  Today I am willing to take risks; to step out into the unknown.  Now I’m ready to step up my game again; to move out of my cerebral playground and venture out in to the community of bloggers and into more interactive conversations with a larger community.  Today I’m ready to be authentically who I am; to own my personal gifts in ways that might benefit others while paradoxically enriching my own life.

The Power to Act: Reflections on the Journey blog is my way of stepping out of the comfortable but narrow confines of my thinking to public conversation about what it means to take new action in the world.   Power as I define it is the ability to take effective action with ease.  To do that requires possibility and practice! And with that comes — Progress !

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