The Power to Act

Archive for April, 2010

February 10th was the first anniversary of my brother, Patrick’s death at 55 years young. I’ve experienced loss in the past; buried my first husband and father when I was 39, best friend at 45 and my mother at 60. But the loss of my younger brother is as surreal to me today as the day I got the call telling me that he died! It was sudden, a heart attack. He was home alone. We were all stunned. How could someone so vital leave us so abruptly? In hind sight we went through the rituals of death in shock. This was the first death of someone dear to us in our generation, in our family. Naturally his wife and children took the biggest hit. Life for them will never be the same; will always be colored by his absence. But within the circle of siblings it was my brothers who still live in our hometown, who lost not only their brother but their best friend, where the river of grief ran deepest. It was from my younger brothers that I would learn the next great lessons on life, loss and love.

First let me tell you a little about my brother. We called him the gentle bear. He was 6’1”s and about 240 pounds. He worked as a corrections officer at the Ludlow Prison and was grappling with when he should retire. He had a smile that could light up the sky and a nature that was both loving and easy going. His number one love was spending time with his family. He had a loving wife and two fabulous children who adored him. I remember the first time I saw Read the rest of this entry »

While walking in our neighborhood on a bright sunny morning, the sounds, sights and smells of spring delighted my senses. Our Azaleas were laden with buds on the verge of bursting open. There was the sweet fragrance of the dogwoods and crape myrtles in bloom. Birds were singing and the cool breeze was mixed with the warm rays of the sun. It was a glorious day to be alive and outside! While taking it all in, I looked over to see my husband, eyes looking down, obviously deep in thought and I wonder why am I taking in the delights of this spring morning while Bruce is looking down, amerced in his inner world? How many times have I been like Bruce, lost in thought missing the opportunity to revel in the beauty around me? If ‘beauty is in the eyes of the beholder’ then how did I learn to develop eyes that looked out to see the beauty around me? When was it that I grasped that possibility?

Personally I have made an art of making Bruce wrong over the years. He should be looking here or anticipating that. It’s a testament to his love for me that he continues to tolerate my continuous directions about how he should or should not live his life. On good days I know that it’s not really about Bruce at all. Bruce does Bruce magnificently; he just can’t seem to do Judith too well! Spiritually I know that when I focus on Bruce, I miss my own moments of revelation and growth. I’ve learned over the years that when I find myself obsessing on what Bruce should or should not be doing, to take a deep breath, send love back to him and bring the focus of attention back to myself? When I feel irritated or annoyed with him, Read the rest of this entry »

We lucked out!  We had a glorious day to attend Houston’s Bayou Arts Festival held in beautiful Memorial Park.  Our plan was to arrive early to beat the crowds. The weather god was smiling down on us that day, with sunny skies, temperatures in the low 70’s and a brisk cool wind.  It was warm in the sun and cool beneath the ample live oaks that shaded our path.  It should have been the bests of days but by the end of the day, the cold wind that was blowing was from within me and biting cold words were warmed by my scolding hot temperament. Not the day I had imagined.

How do I begin?  There were five of us well equipped for a lovely day of browsing the fabulous art festival.  We had our sun screen, sun glasses, hats, some disposable currency and cell phones. Well most of us were equipped. One person arrived without his cell phone; a vital piece of equipment needed when traversing the intriguing booths and swarming crowds.  With a little annoyance we adjusted our plans to identify a place where we could meet up if he got cut off from the group.  With the advent and popularity of cell phones, this historical problem has almost been extinguished from our lives. There is little need for lost and found booths with blaring public intercoms announcing lost children, and certainly no need for any adult with a cell phone to be lost at all.  Well almost no need!

We met for a hearty early breakfast and arrived around 10:30 ready to take in the paintings, glass work, ceramics, ironworks, and apparel.  Within only one hour our friend Jill was already retracing her path to see if she could find her husband. By 12:30 Jill was seething and had already found a place to sit in wait for him. After the next two hours her seething anger was mixed with concern for his well being and we were all being scattered in different directions to see if we could find our lost friend.  Like a parent with a lost Read the rest of this entry »

Friends, what does that word really mean?  I’ve use that word to describe people who are little more than acquaintances as well as with people who are very important in my life.  In short practically everyone who does not fall into the category of enemy gets described as a friend.  But are they all truly friends? If the mantle of friendship is given to everyone, does the term become meaningless?

I spent last weekend visiting with friends from high school. It was an intimate gathering of four. We came in from Denver, Houston and Palm Desert to meet in San Diego. For some this type of gathering might mean little, but for women who have been friends since the mid 60’s, it was a coming home; a place to reconnect, refuel and recharge.  If a component of friendship is the time we’ve known each other, then we certainly meet that criteria.  The length of our friendship takes my breath away; it’s too shocking for me to get my arms around.   Instead I’d prefer to continue to think of us as young, when it’s more likely at best that we are young at heart!  But does time alone make an enduring friendship?

As a group of high school students, we called ourselves ‘the sexy seven’ which gives you the visual of us as young and beautiful, and there was some truth in that.  But beauty and a healthy ego alone do not make for enduring Read the rest of this entry »